For Him

I see him everyday

Talk to him deep into the night.

His shoulders strong and broad 

I wonder how they would feel

As I reach upto him for a kiss.

I wonder how he would smell

As I melt into him- my body fitting right into his.

I wonder if it would set us afire,

My moist bare skin on his.

This man that I see everyday,

That I so yearn to kiss.

I wonder if his sinewy arms are also gentle 

As he draws me to him so close.

This man who bedazzles me, who seduces me,

This man who I long for, the most.

I wonder if when we meet,

Our bodies will yearn for each other,

Get so entangled in one another,

That I would barely know,

Where I end and he begins.

I want to feel his warm breath on my neck

As he wraps his arms around me from behind.

And gently lifts and carries me to bed

Where we lie for hours intertwined.

I wonder if his lips that I have traced so often with my fingers

Are as soft and captivating as I imagine them to be.

I wonder if his smile is truly as charming as it seems,

If his eyes are as calm, if his eyes are as serene. 

I wonder if he yearns for me as much as I

I wonder if this longing will last,

As the days go by.

This longing for this man that I see everyday

This man that I talk to, deep into the night.

the Moon

That spell-binding, glowing orb in the velvety sky,

Go look for it now, lest it be gone too soon.

It brings back memories of you, of me, of us,

That magnificent thing that they call the Moon.

Why it doesn't pay to frown

Echoes of good times and bad,
Thoughts beautiful and disturbing,
Visages of people that fade in and out,
Memories that plunge you into pensive reflections,
Life is filled with all of these and many more.
All that I am certain of is my existence this very moment
Everyone has their share of burdens to carry
And bitter battles to fight,
Every breath I take in shouts out
That all that matters is how I feel in this precious moment,
Why then should I weigh down this moment with sorrow?
Every moment that passes by is lost forever,
It is a sin to not live it with a smile on your lips,
Joy in your heart and a skip in your step.

The field of broken dreams

A million pieces of my reflection gaze back at me,
With unsettling looks,
Hinting at unanswered questions.
The glint of unfulfilled wishes
Is too harsh to ignore,
As I walk through the field of broken dreams.
The pieces are spread far and wide,
Sometimes I pick up a piece or two.
They are reminiscent of times and people
That were and are perhaps still dear to me.
I drop these fragments of my memories
Can't take these shards of glass back with me.
The energy to rekindle those desires, those times
Has long evaporated.
The urge to put the fragments back together
I bury deep in the crevices of my mind,
As I walk through the field of broken dreams.

To the most amazing guy I will ever know

They say loving someone and not expressing it, is like wrapping a gift but not giving it. So consider this fair warning and brace yourself for the onslaught…

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I love that you are one of the kindest persons I have ever known

I love that you stick to your principles no matter how tough it can get

I love how honest and sincere you are when engaging with others

I love that you are the most courageous person I will ever know

I love the way you work selflessly and tirelessly for the good of this land

I love that you have fought wars, seen the worst things one could possibly see and are yet so optimistic about everything around you  

I love that you work so hard and are so very passionate about everything you do

I love that you are caring and genuinely concerned about the people around you

I love that you rarely lose your temper (all instances of you cussing have been erased from my memory – you are American after all!)

I love the way you smile your dashing smile – it makes me crazy (not as crazy as Shah Rukh Khan’s smile drives me, but it drives me crazy nevertheless)

I love that you keep your word (well, most of the times that you manage to)

I love that you love spicy Indian food (I can’t fathom how or why you love it, but I do love that you do)

I love that you have Italian roots (what’s not to love about smokin hot American-Italian guys ;-))

I love that you like the colors red, blue and white (here’s a secret: they are my favorite too)

I love the way you kiss me (or atleast used to) when I least expect it

I love that you love having eggs for breakfast (if you remember, I once told you that I love them too)

I love the way you bite into a green chilli and call it as sweet as vanilla ice-cream

I love the way a smile is starting to play across your lips as you read this childish rant of mine

I love that you are brilliant, intelligent and extraordinary yet so simple, humble and unassuming

I love that you are like the sun – radiating warmth, hope and happiness

I love that you make me want to be a better person

I love how you’ve brought so much joy into my life just by being the way you are

I love you - thank you for being you.

Round and round we go

Round and round we go
With the faces we hide
With the faces we show.
With memories of pain
With memories of bliss
Cherishing the opportunities taken
Regretting those missed.
Round and round we go
With the faces we hide
And the faces we show.

Silence is not always golden

Silence is a beautiful thing.
It speaks volumes,
it gives voice to the unsaid.
And bridges the space between
two individuals gracefully.
But sometimes there are words
that have to be spoken,
Spoken sooner than later.
Words that fill up the void
More beautifully than silence ever can.
Sometimes you have to
give words a chance.
For silence is not always golden.

Fools Galore

He waits and waits
And waits some more
For Her to look his way
To be His some day
To be His with her heart and soul
While She waits and waits
And waits some more
For that Other
Who was part of her past
Who won't be part of her future
Still shedding many a precious tear
For that coward who doesn't deserve Her
While that Other waits and waits
And waits some more
To forget those times
Those stories, those lies
Those empty promises
And those questioning eyes
And so they wait and wait
And wait some more
Each of them a fool
A fool bigger than the other
Who would have thought
It would turn out like this
But it is what it is
It is fools galore.

It smiles, it sneers,

It wipes off those tears,

And yet it succeeds to make you cry.

It whispers, it shouts,

It regales and it pouts,

It enlivens the years that sped by.

It howls in your ears,

It threatens and it cheers,

It serenades you high and low.

It ensnares you, it inspires you,

It grills you red, it chills you blue.

It shows you your true friend and foe.

That’s the city of Chicago for you, my friends

One of the greatest cities you’ll ever know.

Try it.....you'll like it

When your sunshine goes missing for days on end,
And nothing seems right in the world,
When there is nothing left that you like in yourself,
When you feel life is no longer your friend,
Do yourself a favour….
Look at yourself with the eyes of the one who loves you.
And suddenly the not-so-nice things,
About you and your life, that pain you,
Will not look so painful after all,
They’ll look forgiveable, silly, and even adorable
Once you look with the eyes of the one who loves you.
The world and life itself, appears so new, so fresh
Inviting you to give it another try, a second chance,
U realize the words “You are beautiful” are indeed true,
When you look at yourself with the eyes of the one who loves you.

Unconditionally

Do you know what it means
To have someone who loves you
Unconditionally,

Who is always there
To support you in your dreams,
To rejoice in your victories,
And to revel in your joys.

To wipe away your tears
When your heart is heavy,
And to wash away your fears
With all the strength she has.

Now you know what it feels
Coz at the other end of the world,
There she is such a person
Who will always be
Whatever you want her to be,

No matter what, till the end of forever,
Giving you all that she can give you
Unconditionally.

Always yours in spirit

I do not wake up at 4:30am anymore

I do not check to see if you are online anymore

But since I promised you I wouldn’t do it,

I do not eat away my lips anymore

I do not forget to take my pills anymore

I pay attention to the signals

Before crossing the streets

I am more aware of my surroundings

Especially the fire-engine sirens J

You taught me to see the world

And myself with your eyes

Introduced me to a new world

A world of new lows, new highs

You showed me the beauty

Of wearing your heart on your sleeve

And the courage to get lost

In the magic that words weave

The confidence to stop having

To create and cross emotional bridges

The innocence and passion

To savour all of life’s riches

I’m not going to smile

Just to make you think am happy

I’m not going to laugh

Just so that you don’t see me cry

I’m truly happy and laugh uninhibited

I smile the same smile you so loved once

The sun still rises and sets with you

For you are always with me

And I know you will forever be with me

And I with you, in spirit.

Let that smile be your nametag forever

Apologies Mr. Wordsworth, but I had to do this...

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For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
It flashes upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the smile that plays on those lips

:-)

That's my Sidd

There’s never knowing what’s brewing

In the devilish brain of his

Tis easy to be deceived by his boyish charm

That hides the frenzied pace of his thoughts that alarm.

An entrepreneur, a dirty mind at its best

A fountain of ideas and confidence immense.

A spirit that soars and questions life anew

A do-or-die attitude

That’s my Sidd for you.

He’ll shock you with his indecent zest

The least said about his favourite gesture, the best.

A heart that melts like butter and a tongue that swears like hell

An emotional savant, the quintessential romantic

That’s my Sidd - intense and complicated.

To sweep his lady love off her feet,

New words he conjures everyday.

He promises her the world, but not yet his love

He puts her under his magic spell and leads her thoughts astray

He calls her a doe-eyed lass one day,

A dodgy – woman the next

Likens her growing smile in her dimpled cheek

To a puddle of water rippled by a falling rain-drop

What a smooth talker he is, all poetic and sleek.

He makes faces at her,

Loves to tease and taunt,

Not your ideal knight-in-shining armour

But that’s my Sidd – tall, dark and gaunt.

I thank my lucky stars in the heavens above

For once, for bringing me Sidd

He makes you laugh, he makes you cry

And loves you like there’s no tomorrow

What more could any girl ever want.

Seasons I love

Here its the tingly chill in the air,

Orange pumpkins and the mellowing sun,

As the earth envelops itself in a blanket

Rich with colours of mauve, red and gold

And the rustle of the leaves and the crunch of the grass

Of which soon there will left but none.

There the earth is waking up

From its long winter slumber

Preening itself with flowers galore

And the dewy grass and the warm-scented mud

That eggs the heart and mind to soar

Autumn and spring, what beauty they hold

Enjoy every moment of these wondrous times

Let yourself get carried away

Taking in all that the eye can behold.

The Bond

The dew drops glistened under the caress
Of the early sun-beam, as it lit her eyes like that of a doe.
Awakening gently, unsheathing her finesse
Tenderly she stretched , as she turned aglow.

Still yearning for the dreams the night had bred
As the birds tweeted overhead,
And the sweet-smelling grass murmured beneath
There she was, sitting pretty in the bed.

Soaking in the warmth of the morning sun
Non-chalant at the growing buzz
She thought that she’d seen it all
(Or perhaps she had seen none?)

Beginning to get a little annoyed
At the musings of the others that came alive
As they waited with bated breath
For their winged companions to arrive.

Soon she was interrupted in her dream
Not unpleasantly, but by a gentle nudge
Of the hairy being waiting to kiss her freckled spots
As he jostled against the sun-beam.

He used his lively demeanor,
His soothing voice, even.
He used all his charm
On attempting to impress the pretty little one.

Was she swayed ? Certainly not.
But to her surprise, she didn’t mind
His company, his constant banter
She felt something change, as their thoughts entwined.

As the sun rose higher,
They chatted away.
He regaled her with tales of yonder
As she looked wide-eyed with wonder.

The sunbeam visited again
But a new beginning dawned
She was among her sisters this time, waiting
But she knew, (just as he?), that theirs was a different bond

They enjoyed whatever little time they had together
As their hidden fears they tried to allay
They both knew he would move away to new gardens
And she would have to fade away.

The day of parting came sooner, as it always does
His eyes were filled with things unspoken
As she put on a happy charade
Though deep inside she was too heart-broken.

We’ve gone crazy, we’ve laughed,
We’ve fought, we’ve cried,
The time we’ve spent together
Short as it may seem,
Will always be my sweetest dream.

Go now, don’t fret
Leave the unspoken things unsaid
Tis only a matter of time
Before you meet another flower.

But no matter where you go,
Or who you’ll be
You will never find
Another one like me.

Whisperings of the sea-breeze

The sandgrains slipping
From the grip of your palm,
The golden sun, ever so radiant,
Glowing with a majestic calm,
You see it melting into the horizon,
Confident, it will rise again
Bigger and dazzlingly beautiful
The very next dawn.

The strength and the roar,
With which the waves rush ashore,
To sweep away the sands
Beneath your feet.
They leave in their wake
A blank empty slate
The chance, once more,
To love more than to hate.
The opportunity to act,
More than to think,
The realisation that your world,
Might be gone in a blink.

And then comes the pleasant sound,
Of the soft fizz of the melting foam
As the waters recede,
As they return home.
Even if, only to return once more,
With the familiar force, the familiar roar.

Who knows where the day flows,
Who knows where life goes?
Not you, not me…only time.

Who knows how love grows,
Why the heart cries when love dies?
Not you, not me, ….ony time.

Just as the sun rises
After every sunset.
And the waters recede,
Leaving you cold and wet,
Life is to be lived
As best as one can.
And the only way worthwhile,
Is to live it with hope,
To live it with a smile.

I bet

I bet she’s a beauty
that he keeps talking about.
I bet she’s got everything
That I’ve to live life without.

I sure hope she keeps him happy,
Happier than he’d even be with me.
If not, that fool deserved what he got
For having said no to me.

But the fact remains, that all of this,
Still doesn’t change anything.
That fool’s still the reason for the teardrop stains,
On my violin.

And though I pretend that I’ve moved on,
That I’ve put behind the gloom and strife.
He’ll always be my special one,
The sweetest part as yet, of my life.

P.S.: Some of these lines might remind you of your favourite songs. I ask for your forgiveness-I simply couldn't resist putting those words out here! And for those of you who are sick and tired of hearing this love-sick rant, I promise, this is the last of the kind that you'll be hearing from my end for a long time to come.

The things one does for footwear

This was something that happened around May-June this year. I had to be hospitalized for a day or two, to get some routine intra-venous injections. As the hospital protocols required me to be accompanied by an “attendant”, my younger sister, Lini, agreed to accompany me.

As it was noon by the time I finally got admitted to St. Johns, Lini had to go home to get lunch for me. Tired already of lying in the hospital bed, twiddling my thumbs, I decided to escort her till the entrance.

We were climbing down the stairs from my room on the 3rd floor ( I hate waiting for the elevator), when the sole of Lini’s sandal on her left foot came out. Poor thing, she dragged her foot along and tried to walk in what was left of her sandals as best as she could. She practically took 15 mins to climb down the remaining 2 floors, lifting her left foot with the torn footwear hanging limply from it, in an elaborate manner, before placing it carefully onto the next step. As you may have experienced, walking in such a fashion is not only physically excrutiating, it looks ridiculous, inviting the disconcerting stares of passers-by.

As we proceeded laboriously (and with unusual patience in my case), with our descent, a nurse suggested that we could purchase footwear in the hospital. I was aware of items, such as soap, mosquitoe repellant, combs and other bric-a-brac of our humdrum lives, being sold in the hospital premises but footwear being part of this list was news to me.

On being told that it was sold somewhere near the Trauma Ward in the ground floor, I promptly started off in search of this place, with Lini limping behind me, struggling to keep up with my pace.

I wandered dreamily into the corridor to which the board proclaiming “Trauma Care” pointed, and was immediately dragged down to reality. The distressing sight of accident victims lying sprawled on the beds, with their limbs severed and heavily bandaged/ plastered took the wind out of me. The heavy sadness that hung in the air hit me like a bolt from the blue. I was least expecting scenes of handicapped patients with their morose relatives, trying to come to terms with a life that involved one or more, less limbs. The atmosphere was physically recoiling. I’m sure Lini was also shocked at the sight that greeted her.

I was directed to the fag-end of the ward on enquiring for footwear, by a lady in a white coat- perhaps a doctor or a senior resident. This reassured me that I was not in the wrong place but the ward seemed to end in a locked door. Just as I was feeling disheartened, a lady walked past me towards the door. I stopped her and asked her if they sold footwear there.

She looked at me from head to toe, a little strangely with a weird sort of expression, almost like she was sizing me up. She also had a good look at Lini who was still limping behind me.

Then she asked, “Who is the patient?”.

I was a little taken aback at this question and wondered what relevance it could hold to the sale of a pair of slippers. However, thinking that the hospital may have a policy of selling footwear only to patients, I said, “I am”. Lini and I have same-sized feet.

The lady again looked at me and Lini with a quizzical look. I should have realized what was going on atleast by then, but the dimwit that I had turned into that afternoon, I failed to understand the relevance of her question.

She nodded her head, as if asking me to wait there, and proceeded to unlock the door.

As I was standing a few feet away, and the door blocked my view, I couldn’t figure out what was behind the door. Just then a man carrying a toolbox, who looked like some sort of a workman, went into the room. The lady asked me to enter and the moment I did, another unexpected sight took my breath away.

The room was filled with prosthetic limbs- finished and unfinished (and let me tell you, it looks a little weird looking at rows of legs and arms, stacked one upon the other, especially if you walk into them for the first time in your life, like I had). The man had a measuring tape in his hand, ready to take the measurements for the kind of “footwear” I required. Needless to say, I was totally embarrassed and quickly explained to the kind lady that I was looking out for “normal” footwear and was mistakenly directed to that place.

After apologizing sheepishly, I turned back with a very wide stupid grin on my face, just in time to stop Lini from entering the room. When I told her it was “special” kind of footwear that was available there, both of us broke into laughter. We looked like a bunch of idiots and may have even appeared insensitive and uncouth to be giggling away in a ward filled with accident victims.

The moment I come out, trying hard to control my laughter, who should I run into but my doctor! He was obviously surprised to see me coming out of the Trauma Care ward, and confused as well to see me laughing my head off, like I had just attended a comedy show in there! I’m sure he was left as confused even after I explained to him, amidst wide grins and suppressed laughter, what I had just done in search of footwear.

So many words…..

So many words
quivering on the lips
So many things
Close to the heart, left unsaid
So many memories
framed in the galleries of the mind
So many moments that seem
to be frozen in the annals of time

Will those words ever be spoken
How can those times ever be forgotten

How is it that we grew so far apart
When did the silences creep in
Why in our moments together
Did we allow our egos to seep in
When did the special feeling
we nurtured for each other
Turn into pain and then into torture

I have tried a thousand times
To bridge the distances
To speak the words long awaited
To forget and to forgive
Nothing can change the way I feel for you
Why do you refuse to understand it.