Disclaimer: The characters, thoughts and feelings expressed in this piece are definitely not fictional and any resemblane to any living person(s) is purely intentional. If the reader has never been madly in love with anyone before, it is strongly advised that he/she does not read anything further.
Was it love at first sight? Naah—certainly not that. But perhaps within the first month of meeting him, I knew; I was in love-perhaps my first true love.
I think he was a bit surprised when I first said “Hi” to him. It was the jaunty kind of “Hi”, definitely not one that you would expect when meeting someone for the first time. Given the fact that I have starting trouble, especially when it comes to breaking the ice, I was surprised at myself for the way the first words came out—so unhibited, like I had known him forever. And the first time I saw him—the face that stays with me every night before I drift into sleep, the face that I see the first thing in the morning, the face that is with me in all my living moments, a face that I want to have before my eyes for the rest of my life…
….That shy smile, those big, bright eyes, the almost-formed dimples, the broad brow and the a-little-too prominent nose. I have became a slave to this image -one that binds me and enslaves me by re-appearing not just in my dreams but also in my waking hours. My eyes seem to be seeking and finding him everywhere—beside me in the cab when I am returning home, when I see the colour red(his favourite), when I am eating a pastry(his favourite too)-there he is giving me the smile of his which makes me wish that time stops andl all the mundane activity of life freezes in time…so that he can take me out of the cab by my hand, splash a bit of the colour red on me and whisk away the cherry topping on the pastry…..
In the beginning, I wrote it off as a crush but it grew and as much as I tried to ignore it, the deeper and the more special it grew. Every gesture of his is so very endearing. His disorderliness, his goofiness, his child-like appreciation for things which excite him, his pretence of superiority whenever he is proved wrong in any matter, his wise-cracks….We are poles apart in may things—he cries seeing emotional stuff in the theatres. He runs away from classics in Eng. Literature, as much as I love them. He is a fan of the s(h)elf-improvement books and I couldn’t detest them any more than I do now. He does zany things and would make every effort to amlify the efforts he puts into them, just to annoy me—he will blow loudly through the straw into the juice-filled container so that it makes a ripping oaring sound. He will try to floss with any sharp object that he can lay his hands on. But these things just don’t seem to irritate me as much as they would if anyone else was doing them.
All this M&B prattle would make one wonder if this love thing was happening both ways. The answer is –I don’t know! I’ve been a coward everytime it came to making aware of his aware for me. It is not the fear of rejection. Rather, it is the uncertainty of how things might work out if at all we discover our feelings for each other. Where does it go from there? Am I ready for a relationship? Is he ready for someone like me in his life? I come with a lot of baggage and my life is certainly not what you would call ordinary. Would he be able to make the changes in his life that any person who wants to have any kind of intimate relationship with me would have to make? Thousands of answered questions like these logging my brain which make me want to chicken out from telling him how I feel about him every time I decide to come out in the open.
Perhaps, slowly, I ‘ve begun to realise that true love doesn’t require acceptance or acknowledgement of any kind- not from society or even own’s own ever-rationalising-mind. It never demands receiving anything at all. It’s not necssary for the peron whom you fall n love with, loves you back…
The magic of love is that it creates a heaven for you on earth, a feeling that makes you fall in love with the air around you and the wind blowing in your hair. Suddenly, everything from the tiniest of the flowers to the early morning sunray that beams in through your bedroom window, and all the zillions of particles in it, seem to be dancing away to the tune of your love. Suddenly, all those lyrics in romantic songs-one’s that you once brushed away calling them silly, mushy, seem to make sense.
The truth is that I love him and this is something that nobody can take away from me। I love him with all my heart and soul and will love him forever. This love will remain with me- perhaps for as long as I continue to breathe or until cupid strikes again- if at all there is an “again”.
I know, “forever” is long time। But I also know that Love Conquers All. Even Time.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Sports is not sporting any more
Do you remember the days when as a kid, you got together with the other kids from the neighborhood and spent hours playing games like hopscotch, lagori, cricket or kho-kho. If anyone cheated or called each other names (which we often did), it was soon forgotten and everyone including the defaulter would be back in the game, enjoying every moment of it with un-ending passion.
Cut to the present day where we are no longer children. Many of us still indulge in sports- some professionally and others as spectators – but all with the same, if not greater, un-ending passion. The one big difference is something that we exhibited in our childhood but seldom do so now- sportsmanship.
Sportsmanship in sports has never been in lesser display than in recent times. The latest racial abuse row that kicked off during the India-Australia Cricket series, is ample evidence of this fact, where a referral to the word “monkey” snow-balled to a racist issue.
What is it that we have lost over the years, that makes seasoned players like Zidane to head-butt a payer of the opposite team in a world-cup soccer game? Why is it that even extremely talented sportspersons like Marion Jones feel the need to succumb to doping? What has gone so grievously wrong in sports today that has prompted Anil Kumble to make the statement, “ ..only one team was playing in the spirit of the game…”?
Agreed that the scenario is not the same today as it was years ago. All major sports tournaments involve min-boggling amounts of money- one of the repercussions of which, is the mounting pressure on players to outperform their opponents, many a time, comprising the spirit of the game.
Sports has become such a cash-rich venture that the endorsements of sportspersons piggyback their performance. In such a scenario, it is but natural for any human being, leave alone our celebrity-status sportspersons, to get carried away by the competition. The trappings of all this wealth and fame have made us forget that the mark of a true sportsperson is the spirit with which he/she plays the game.
The heightened media-scrutiny is another major factor that has led to this paradigm. It not only relays an amplified version of the behaviour of the players (both on and of the field), but also defines their actions into slots like “mild” or “offensive”.
The media is also responsible for sending out wrong signals by publicizing and at times even “glorifying” the display of un-called for aggressiveness on the field. It is indeed a sorry state of affairs that virtues like patience and respect for fellow-players are no longer as saleable as “offensiveness” or “boorish” behaviour is.
Sledging and other such un-gentlemanly activities are no longer scoffed at but are becoming increasingly accepted as game-playing tactics. Competition has been driven to such dizzying heights that players no longer feel secure nor do they have any faith in their hard-honed talent but are taught to rely on strategies such as “intimidation” and mental degradation of their opponents to gain an edge over them. But has anyone ever thought of coaching or merely advising our sportspersons on how to play the game with sportsmanship?
It is the need of our generation, as well as those to come, to revive long forgotten virtues like showing respect for the opposition, cultivating love of competition (as against love of winning), the value of trying ones’ best and most importantly, how to lose and win graciously.
It is high time we thought about where, the increasing intolerance and un-provoked aggression on the playing field, is taking us to. For this, we only need to look back into history to the time of the ancient Greeks who began the first Olympics with a view to celebrate the cultures of the people of various lands. Their custom of crowning the victor with an olive branch is symbolic of their faith in sports as a hope for a peaceful and better future. The great Pierre Fredy, Baron de Coubertin, father of the modern Olympics, sought sports as the way to bring nations and the youth of the world together and thereby dissuade them from fighting each other in war.
Fred Perry, the legendary Tennis player, once said, “Tactics, fitness, stroke ability, acceptability, experience and sportsmanship are all necessary for winning”. This is what we need to stress upon today where we no longer see the spirit of chivalry and the glory of sport on the field.
To quote Grantland Rice, the American sports columnist and author,
“ For when the one great scorer comes
To write against your name,
He writes not that you won or lost,
But how you played the game”
Cut to the present day where we are no longer children. Many of us still indulge in sports- some professionally and others as spectators – but all with the same, if not greater, un-ending passion. The one big difference is something that we exhibited in our childhood but seldom do so now- sportsmanship.
Sportsmanship in sports has never been in lesser display than in recent times. The latest racial abuse row that kicked off during the India-Australia Cricket series, is ample evidence of this fact, where a referral to the word “monkey” snow-balled to a racist issue.
What is it that we have lost over the years, that makes seasoned players like Zidane to head-butt a payer of the opposite team in a world-cup soccer game? Why is it that even extremely talented sportspersons like Marion Jones feel the need to succumb to doping? What has gone so grievously wrong in sports today that has prompted Anil Kumble to make the statement, “ ..only one team was playing in the spirit of the game…”?
Agreed that the scenario is not the same today as it was years ago. All major sports tournaments involve min-boggling amounts of money- one of the repercussions of which, is the mounting pressure on players to outperform their opponents, many a time, comprising the spirit of the game.
Sports has become such a cash-rich venture that the endorsements of sportspersons piggyback their performance. In such a scenario, it is but natural for any human being, leave alone our celebrity-status sportspersons, to get carried away by the competition. The trappings of all this wealth and fame have made us forget that the mark of a true sportsperson is the spirit with which he/she plays the game.
The heightened media-scrutiny is another major factor that has led to this paradigm. It not only relays an amplified version of the behaviour of the players (both on and of the field), but also defines their actions into slots like “mild” or “offensive”.
The media is also responsible for sending out wrong signals by publicizing and at times even “glorifying” the display of un-called for aggressiveness on the field. It is indeed a sorry state of affairs that virtues like patience and respect for fellow-players are no longer as saleable as “offensiveness” or “boorish” behaviour is.
Sledging and other such un-gentlemanly activities are no longer scoffed at but are becoming increasingly accepted as game-playing tactics. Competition has been driven to such dizzying heights that players no longer feel secure nor do they have any faith in their hard-honed talent but are taught to rely on strategies such as “intimidation” and mental degradation of their opponents to gain an edge over them. But has anyone ever thought of coaching or merely advising our sportspersons on how to play the game with sportsmanship?
It is the need of our generation, as well as those to come, to revive long forgotten virtues like showing respect for the opposition, cultivating love of competition (as against love of winning), the value of trying ones’ best and most importantly, how to lose and win graciously.
It is high time we thought about where, the increasing intolerance and un-provoked aggression on the playing field, is taking us to. For this, we only need to look back into history to the time of the ancient Greeks who began the first Olympics with a view to celebrate the cultures of the people of various lands. Their custom of crowning the victor with an olive branch is symbolic of their faith in sports as a hope for a peaceful and better future. The great Pierre Fredy, Baron de Coubertin, father of the modern Olympics, sought sports as the way to bring nations and the youth of the world together and thereby dissuade them from fighting each other in war.
Fred Perry, the legendary Tennis player, once said, “Tactics, fitness, stroke ability, acceptability, experience and sportsmanship are all necessary for winning”. This is what we need to stress upon today where we no longer see the spirit of chivalry and the glory of sport on the field.
To quote Grantland Rice, the American sports columnist and author,
“ For when the one great scorer comes
To write against your name,
He writes not that you won or lost,
But how you played the game”
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